Herein lies an account of various End Of Life experiences I have been a part of. All names and identifying commentary have been omitted.
Person 1 - I began weekly visits with Person 1 (P1) in February, and they ultimately passed in April. P1's spouse had passed just 1 week prior to my first visit with them, and our visits were a combination of friendly companionship coupled with holding space while they grieved. P1 was in regular contact with their children via phone (FaceTime), and they were avid sports fans. We spoke at length about their spouse, how they'd met, what song was most special to them, and so on. I learned that they missed being able to read, so arranged for audio books to be brought into their space. I brought in desserts and we played with finger-crocheting a blanket between us. As their transition time neared, they confided in me that they were able to see and hear their departed spouse. This was something they weren't able to tell others, so it was special to me that I was trusted with this information. Just prior to them taking their next step into the beyond, I played the special song for them, assured them that their spouse was near and waiting for them to take their hand, and tucked the completed crocheted blanket under their hand. They transitioned the next day.
Person 2 (P2) - I began weekly visits with P2 in July and they ultimately passed in November. They had difficulties in both vision and hearing, making communication something of a challenge. Many visits, I simply spent sitting quietly and playing music while they rested. Over time, I met some of their family members, and P2 began to trust me and to smile when I arrived. Eventually I learned P2 enjoyed having lotion applied to their hands and to have manicures performed. We tried 2 different colors of polish before P2 left us for their next adventure. I performed Reiki as they entered into their early active stage of dying. They passed that same evening.
Person 3 (P3) - P3 was an 11th hour vigil request. I sat with P3 for about 4 hours, met with one of their sons and updated the Hospice RN with my observations when they visited. I played some of the music their son had mentioned they liked, and when another volunteer came to relieve me, I relayed what I had learned to her as well. 20 minutes after I left, P3 transitioned.
Person 4 (P4) - P4 was my first person who had chosen to die at home. I began visiting in late January. Unfortunately due to a series of illnesses across me/P4/P4's spouse, and/or travel, I was only able to visit once early on to meet everyone, and then again as a respite visit less than a week before they transitioned. During that final visit, I read to P4 aloud and played some peaceful music. I offered to come again in the next few days, but the family chose to remain close and did not desire additional support. P4 passed in early March.
Person 5 (P5) - I began visiting P5 around the same time as I began visiting P4 (January). P5 was in a new-to-me nursing facility, and I learned a few visits in that they had a regular visitor in addition to me in the form of a close family friend. P5, I learned, enjoyed the Food Network, and we spent many of our visits watching Chopped and laughing together over dog food commercials (they loved dogs.) P5 had some challenges related to communication, but was very clear in signaling their likes or dislikes. The nursing staff at this facility learned to view me as a friend and would ask for my help with various things, including feeding. As a Hospice volunteer, we are not permitted to actually feed a patient, but we can hand them things like a cup and allow them to take things in as they wished. P5 slowly began to withdraw as their time neared, until my visits with them were largely sitting with them, playing music, and administering Reiki. They stepped into their next adventure in June.
Person 6 (P6) - I began visiting P6 in July 2024. They were assigned to me following a needed leave from a fellow Hospice volunteer, so I had notes to reference prior to meeting P6. The notes suggested there may be some safety challenges (a desire to walk around when it is not physically safe for them to do so due to frailty), a love for their baby doll, and their awareness and alertness may vary from visit to visit. As the months went by, P6 cycled through days of clarity mixed with days of being "in the woods" or even slumber. We went outside as often as the weather permitted. On one visit, I met P6's spouse who had also come to visit and the two of us spent some time getting to know each other and comparing our own experiences with P6. By 5 months' in, I had become quite protective over P6, ensuring they always had a blanket, my hands were close by to be held, and I'd reposition P6 as needed when they grew sleepy and would start to slump in their chair. More notes to come as the visits are still ongoing.
Person 7 (P7) - P7 was a veteran nearing transition in early October. I was called for an 11th hour visit during which P7's spouse and children would step away for some dinner. I arrived to find another Hospice worker sitting with P7 until I arrived. P7 cycled through moments of stillness followed by moments of restlessness before and during my visit. I stroked their arm when the restlessness would come, and would reassure them that they were safe and that I was there. They did not come to consciousness while I sat with them. Their family returned about 90 minutes into my shift and were appreciative of our help.
Person 8 (P8) - P8 was nearing transition when I was called to sit vigil for a few hours. P8 was in their home, being cared for by family. Their primary caregiver had needed time for a good sleep, and I and another Hospice worker were glad to assist. I was the 2nd to sit with P8 while their caregiver slept, and when I arrived, I was informed that P8 had been restless and agitated and for me to expect more of the same. I sat with P8 and played some music, placed an LED tealight near them, stroked their arm, and applied Reiki. I saw no signs of agitation during my time with P8 and when the hospice nurse later arrived, she commented on the feeling of peace that had entered the room. I stayed for about 4 hours to allow the caregiver time to go out for a bite to eat and time to just relax by themselves with the TV. P8 fully transitioned 2 days later.
Person 9 (P9) - P9 had chosen to age in their home and were cared for incredibly well by their daughter. Other children visited as often as possible, as did friends and neighbors. P9 was completely surrounded by love and care at all times. P9's primary caregiver had found my profile on the INELDA website and reached out in July to see if I might be a good match for their family as a source of support as things began to near the end. I met with three of P9's 4 children and we mutually agreed that we were a good match. I visited typically twice a week, each time staying for 2-3 hours, assisting with things such as Reiki, bathing, and some repositioning. Primarily, I believe my biggest help was to be a grounding force for P9's primary caregiver, and she and I struck up a lovely friendship along the way. I was able to offer a number of resources for them to follow up on, and helped to clarify some of the signs we might expect to see as someone is actively dying. P9 headed to their next adventure in October. Some post-death photos of P9 were shared with me and the look of peace and happiness on their face is something I will always treasure.
Person 10 (P10) - P10 was another 11-hour vigil request, in their home, being cared for by friends and family. Their caregivers were very attentive to P10's needs and little was needed from me during my visit in terms of patient care. P10 was breathing steadily and had good color, but unresponsive due to medicines administered. How I believe I helped was to engage the family in talking about P10 and how their growing up years were. Much laughter was had as they remembered funny things P10 had done. I circled through a few different Spotify playlists that the family thought P10 would appreciate. Before I left, I ensured each family member had been encouraged to remember self care. P10 headed to their next adventure 3 days later.
Person 11 (P11) - P11, another 11th hour request, had recently been moved into a care facility for their final days. They were very seldom without someone present, and on my first visit, I met two of their children. One stayed with me and we spoke at length about their parent, their own life, my path to doulaship, and more. I offered them a grounding exercise combined with some oils that seemed to help soothe their heart. During my alone time with P11, I applied Reiki and oils, played a sound drum softly next to them so they could feel the vibrations from the drum, tidied the room and softened the lighting, and reassured them that all would be well and they could take their leave when the time felt right. I knew that most of the family had already visited, but a few grandchildren had not yet come. It seemed P11 was waiting for the final visitors. The next evening, I again visited and more of the family was present. I spoke with the same person I had spent time with the previous evening, along with one of their children, and we selected oils for anointing, played the drum, and discussed possible reasons P11 might be delaying their departure. I was given some alone time with P11, and did many of the same things I had done the night before, reiterating that all would be well, using gentle touch and massage, quiet sound drumming, and Reiki. When the family returned to the room, I led them through anointing as their intuition prompted. There was a growing understanding that perhaps P11 did want some alone time in order to transition, so when I left, the family had gathered in the common space, save for one sibling who remained for their own alone time with their parent. I do not know if P11 was indeed solo at the time of their transition, but learned they took that step about 3 hours after my visit.
Locations served:
Home-based (x4)
Inspire Medical Resort
John Knox Village Care Center
Sunshine Nursing and Memory Care
University Health Lakewood Medical Pavilion
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